Been a while...
I've done a little digging now that I'm back home from both the ride and the onslaught of conferences I had this month. Further research shows that Audioblogger changed their phone number, which explains why I was unable to post voicemail to my blog during the ride. For those of you that were following along, somewhere around halfway, I simply gave up on the technology altogether, and just chose to experience the ride instead of record it for memories. It was about that time that I finally truly began enjoying myself, and learning something.
It wasn't about showing I had been there. Frankly, not photos nor writing nor even the sound of my voice could've conveyed exactly what happened to me on this journey. It's something that quite simply one has to DO to understand.
I haven't posted many stories of what has happened. In all honesty, I may not post much. There is something sacred about the changes that began taking place inside of me on that journey. Not all of it was particularly attractive, and some of it is indeed very dark. There were times I felt on top of the world, and there were times I felt crumpled and insignificant. When they said a million emotions in the advertisements for this ride, they really were not kidding. Some made sense, some didn't. Some were pleasant, some weren't. In all though, on the other side, I can not help but feel more alive, more awake, than before.
Being there reminded me that I don't have to live up to the pressure I put on myself to be interesting, artistic, creative... I didn't need photos or a journal or blogs or words of wisdom. Little by little on this journey, all of those things began falling away anyhow, until finally there was just me and the open road, and my mind was finally quiet.
I don't know if it's preposterous to say that I found enlightenment on a bicycle. In many ways though, I did. In many ways, the ride may be over, but I'm beginning to realize the ride was only a metaphor for a journey that only just started. Something inside of me changed. Something about being with 1600 people and at the same time, feeling so alone that nihilism disolved my idea of self completely. Something about being on the same path sharing the same light collectively, but when trying to outshine another, finding my own light extinguished. Something about a larger idea of "me" being more than just "me"... being part of him, her, them, us... you. Something about a disease that is no longer killing him, her, them... it's killing us... it's killing me... and it's killing you.
It is my responsibility. This is what I was meant to be doing all along. I have a reason for being here that relates to the whole of us all. I have a purpose.
Can a person really realize something so monumental doing something as simple as riding a bike?
I challenge you to do it sometime. The answer may astound you!
posted by Kevin @ 1:50 PM
0 comments
