Friday, May 26, 2006

welcome back

Sue used to refer to it as being tethered too close to the world. I guess that’s how it’s felt for me lately. A dry spell. But I would like to allow myself to find freedom in that. Not all days and not all experience warrants writing about so much as personal reflection upon… and that much, I am doing.

Recently, I was telling my friend Jenn about this pattern I have… of having much to say some days and becoming pensive and withdrawn the next several weeks. I still struggle to find meaning in writing things out sometimes, and I’ve written about that in the past…but I hear her when she says that my putting “it” out to the Universe will sometimes inspire others to do the same, and in so doing, has the effect of propagating this energy of sharing in those that I meet. I find something beautiful in that, something meaningful.

And so I’d like to break out of my brooding today, and simply share this with you. Share with you my frustration over how my own mind will sometimes sabotage me into thinking that nothing I would say could possibly interest another human being and that I’d be better off meditating upon it, ruminating over it, and finding some direction or higher meaning.

And so I give you my pendulum mind as it reflects on itself reflecting on itself. I give you my laughter as I see everything human in me trying to find meaning where perhaps ultimately; there is none to be found. I give you a simple desire to share with you, point out how funny we are, poetics be damned, and just say what’s rolling around upstairs.

I have heard many times how my writing touches others… perhaps not all others, but truly… if what I write here touches only one other human being today…

Isn’t that worth something after all?